Fifty Shades

I am going to be honest. The only problem I have with the book Fifty Shades of Grey is the fact that it’s a best seller because it’s poorly written. Otherwise, I see no issue with one reading it.


As of late, I have seen posts where people are saying that if you read Fifty Shades of Grey that you aren’t a “good Christian”. Well, all you self-proclaimed good Christians that refuse to read this trashy erotic novel, have you read The Hunger Games? It’s about children killing other children. How about Harry Potter? It’s about sorcery. And how many of you have watched True Blood? This past season not only did they have sex scenes, they actually did a full frontal of a man laying on a table that they drank from. Okay, how about another book (turned movie) that was popular.. The Da Vinci Code. It suggests that Jesus married and had children, which you will find nowhere in our Bible.


My point is, this book is fiction. It is purely for entertainment purposes. Honestly, I only got through the first one and I blushed like crazy. But I dislike the fact that people are judging others who may enjoy reading this. It states clearly in the Bible that you should not judge. Besides, many of these people who are doing the judging are nowhere near perfect themselves. If you are one that condemns others for reading Fifty Shades let me ask you a few questions… Where you a virgin until you were married? Have you ever said “oh my God”?  Have you ever told a lie?


I am not trying to say that I am a better Christian than anyone, because I know I have my faults. I know this blog has absolutely nothing to do with Wendy, but I just want to say I HAVE READ FIFTY SHADES OF GREY AND IT DOES NOT MAKE ME A BAD MOTHER, WIFE, OR PERSON IN GENERAL.


End of rant. :)

The Magical Miracle Of Pregnancy

I just watched the movie, What To Expect When You’re Expecting. It’s an adorably cute movie about different couples experiences, surprises, and sometimes difficulties of having a baby. In the movie, one couple lost their baby. Another couple took two years to get pregnant. And one couple couldn’t get pregnant at all, and rather had to chose the option of adopting. Then, on the flip side, you see two couples get pregnant without even trying. One of the women had an extremely difficult pregnancy where she experienced every bad symptom of pregnancy that you could possibly imagine and another had the best pregnancy, even carrying twins. It just shows that every pregnancy is different and becoming a family happens in it’s own way. God definitely has plans for each of us and we all just need to realize that He knows what He’s doing, much more than we do.


For those of you that aren’t close to me, you don’t know that at first Zed and I tried for months to get pregnant and didn’t succeed. We wanted to get pregnant before his deployment, so the birth control stopped in December. He left in February. We obviously didn’t get pregnant. We also didn’t get pregnant during his leave in April. If I only knew then what I know now, there is no way we would have even considered having a baby while he was deployed. I had no idea of the hard and sick pregnancy that was in my future. We had no idea of the health issues our baby was going to have. But I’m sure God did. And I feel like that’s why I didn’t pregnant before. Amazingly, one month and four days after Zed got home from Afghanistan, we got a positive result on a pregnancy test, which means I conceived Wendy literally two weeks after he got home. If that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is.


From time to time I have to remind myself that my life isn’t in my own hands. I worry sometimes what our future will be, what other challenges we will face with Wendy. Then I think back to everything that has led up to us having her and I remember that my life is already pre-planned, I just have to follow course and handle things the best way I know how. And the best way for my little family to handle anything is with love; lots and lots of love. We shower Wendy with it. We remind ourselves that our love is what got us to Wendy. And we promise that our love will get us through any hardship.


The title of this blog is very fitting. It was a miracle that I had Wendy- after my body tried to rid itself of the fetus pretty much my entire pregnancy. It was magical seeing that tiny three pound baby for the first time. And thanks to God, my magical miracle pregnancy gave me the most magical, miraculous, absolutely perfect angel of a baby. It was all in God’s time. It was all in God’s plan. And I thank God every day for trusting me with the life of my precious Wendy.

Brightened My Day

As many of you follow me on Facebook, I’m sure you saw the post where I ranted about an old lady at the eye doctor who badgered me about having a second baby. If you don’t follow me on Facebook or haven’t seen the post a woman sat beside me at the eye doctor and asked about Wendy, we even talked about her being a special needs child, and she ended up saying I needed to have another child so Wendy would have a sibling because she “needed someone to play with”. I told her no, and she continued lecturing me. Needless to say it pissed me off. Not only have I recently struggled with the heartache of the thought of never having more children and never being pregnant again, I also just don’t like to be told what to do or how to raise my child. Zed and I decided on Wendy being an only child in Wendy’s best interest and our own. We always take what’s best for Wendy into consideration for any decision we make.


But with the bad, sometimes there’s good. My trip to the eye doctor wasn’t good, but I met someone there today who touched me and warmed my heart. He was an older man, probably around my grandmother’s age. He has grandchildren of his own. You could clearly tell there was something wrong with him. His legs were small and he walked with crutches. He told me he was born with osteogenesis imperfecta (aka, brittle bone syndrome). He said at one point, every time his mother changed his diaper, it broke another part of his leg. He told me, him being the disabled one, that he couldn’t imagine raising a differently abled child, that he had raised two normal children and that alone was hard. He said mothers of special needs children are the most amazing women in the world and deserved much more credit than they get. Every time I think about him saying that, it puts a smile on my face.

Babies Can’t Wait Evaluation

I got in the results for Wendy’s BCW evaluation today. Of course, evaluations always look worse on paper than they are, but here are her results.


She was assessed using the Battelle Developmental Inventory with the following results:
Scores between -1.50 and 1.50 are considered average.
Adaptive: (-2.33) Significant Delay
Personal-Social: (-1.33) Low Average
Communication: (-2.60) Significant Delay
Motor: (-2.40) Significant Delay
Cognitive: (-2.40) Significant Delay
BDI-2 Total (standard measure of development across 5 domains): (-2.67) Significant Delay


For the Peabody Developmental Motor Scale
Reflexes: 5 months
Stationary: 3 months
Locomotion: 3 months
Grasping: 4 months
Visual Motor Integration: 6 months


Gross Motor Percentile: >1%
Fine Motor Percentile: 2%
Total Motor Percentile: >1%


Wendy was evaluated at 10.5 months old, adjusted age: 9 months old.


I’m hoping this will be what helps us with the Katie Beckett waiver so Wendy can finally be approved for Medicaid. She will also begin therapy in the home soon.

Sick Wendy :( Sad Mommy

Every mother hates seeing their child sick, especially when they aren’t sure what is wrong. Vomiting with Wendy can mean a few things, something as simple as a virus or something as deadly as her intestines being twisted. She started vomiting (and I say vomiting, not spitting up, because it was full blown, exorcist style, out the nose and mouth vomiting) Monday night. I immediately unhooked her feeds and emptied her stomach with a syringe. 4-5 hours later, I started a Pedialyte feed, which she usually tolerates fairly well, even when she’s sick. That first night, I sat up and watched her and she did fine with the Pedialyte. Once lunch came around yesterday, I started back on formula to try it out. The first 2 feeds went fine, but by the 3rd she was vomiting again, even after switching back to Pedialyte last night she was still sick. I was convinced I was going to have to take her to the doctor, which I really didn’t want to do for the simple fact that we try to go as little as possible because even if other kids aren’t sick, they still have germs and it’s getting close to Wendy’s surgery and an infection is the last thing she needs. So after sitting up with her almost all night last night, she was fine after 9:00. So I started Pedialyte again at 12:00 and so far she’s been fine. Her last feed I switched back to formula and I guess we’ll know how she tolerates it in a few hours. I know her intestines aren’t twisted because she wouldn’t be able to tolerate anything. So I’m pretty sure it’s just a virus, but if it doesn’t pass in a day or so, we’ll have to go to the doctor to get some medicine because I don’t want her dropping weight (because it’s already a struggle to gain it) because she’s not getting enough nutrition. Overall, it’s not been anything I couldn’t handle. Although, some sleep would be nice. I’d say I’ve only gotten 4-6 hours total for the past two nights.

Day Two Without Wendy...

... And I am losing my mind.


Zed took Wendy to the lake last night. He said it was to give me a break. So I took my break last night, slept from 9-6 and even got in a few naps today. I was supposed to join him and sweet girl today, but I wasn't feeling great and really wanted it stay hom. I tried to talk Zed into bringing Wendy home but he said no, they would see me tomorrow and I should rest while I can.


Do you know how hard it is for a mom to "just rest" when her baby birdie is away from the nest? Almost impossible, I find myself pacing her room like I'm looking for something, like I'm looking for her. I know Zed is her daddy, so why do I feel like a bad mother for letting her stay with him, away from me, for a night or two? I guess as a mom, I feel like no one can care for her as good as I do. I know I need a break, and if Zed doesn't take her to the lake or somewhere, I won't get the rest I need,even if he says he'll watch her all night, if I hear her I am going to get up. That's my instinct as her mother. I guess I should be thankful. For now, I'm just in bed on my iPad while Hunger Games is playing on my tv. Maybe if I went ahead and took my Ambien I would quit stressing and actually rest.

Dear Friends...

I just wanted to post a blog for my true friends, to those of you who have been there for me throughout everything I’ve been through. Whether you were near or far, if you have been there for me, thank you. I know I am not the best friend you could ever have. I hardly ever answer my phone. I’m always too busy to hang out. And I don’t always return your text messages. But, I honestly appreciate you more than you can imagine. It’s not easy going through a difficult pregnancy. It’s not easy having a sick child. And it’s really not easy to keep friends through all of it. So again, to those of you who have stood by me, I love you and I am glad you are a part of mine and Wendy’s life.