One Step Forward, Hopefully Zero Steps Back

Today was a pretty good day. Some of Zed's family (Rod, Kelly, Codie, and Kelson) came for a visit. It's always nice seeing family! We got to go see Wendy, then we went downtown and ate at the Hard Rock; then we went back to the hospital to see the baby. After going to the Ronald McDonald House to rest a while, Zed and I headed over to their hotel and we hung out in the bar/restaurant and watched the Georgia game. Once the game was over we all had dinner.

It was a pretty good day for Wendy as well. Not only did she get to spoiled by visiting family, she also got a little bit of Pedialite through her G tube. Only 6mL at a time (which isnt much considering she was getting 40mL of milk/formula at every feeding) but it's a start. Hopefully it will continue to heal and not leak so my baby can come home! All I can do is hope and pray. I can't speed up the process of getting her home; I can only try to stay positive.

As for me, I made a pretty big decision today. I made it 8 weeks and I have decided to stop pumping. My body isn't responding as well to the pump and I was having to pump every 2-3 hours to keepy my supply up. And that was ridiculously hard considering we are constantly back and forth from our house in Fort Campbell, to the hospital, to th RMH. Plus I used to pump in Wendy's room some, but she's sharing a room with another baby again and I don't feel comfortable pumping there now, and I'm not going to waste my time at the hospital in a lactation room, I'm going to spend that time with my baby. Luckily I have a freezer full of milk at home so between my supply at the house and hospital, I have enough for about 60 days (and that's if she goes back on full feeds immediately). I'm actually proud of myself. Most mothers with babies in the nicu only last about 2 weeks exclusively pumping.

Home Before Christmas? I Doubt It.

So apparently they're not even going to attempt to feed Wendy through her G tube for at least 2 more weeks. They're going to put another feeding tube through her nose tomorrow. It will go past her stomach, into her intestines. It has to go past her stomach because if they put food into her stomach, it will leak out around her G tube. Having a G tube put in is supposed to be a simple procedure and you should be able to use it within a few days. Unfortunately Wendy's isn't healing as quickly as it should. I really hope it eventually heals and can be used. If not, they may have to go back in and try to fix it.

The doctor said we can try to have her home by Christmas. I doubt that will happen though. Nothing else has gone easy for us, so I doubt this will either.

The more I think about Wendy, the more upset I get. It's like theres a permanent lump in my throat now. And tears that are always threatening to fall. I can't stand the thought of her being stuck in that hospital baby bed for almost 8 weeks now. And when Zed and I are there visiting her, there's only so much we can do with her because she has so many monitors and iv's hooked up to her. It breaks my heart to leave her, but you can only sit there looking at her for so long. And since she is back in the NICU at the childrens hospital we can't stay overnight with her.

I am honestly so sick of Nashville! I wish I could go home every night and drive down in the mornings and spend the day with her, but I can't. It's too expensive. And I can't go home and stay for a few days because I miss her so much. So it's a catch 22. When I am home, I just love spending time in her room! It makes me happy.

I was really hoping Wendy would be home before Christmas. I am going to keep my tree up until that baby comes home, even if she's in there several more months

We Need Prayers...

Please forgive any misspellings or weird auto corrections, I'm on my cell phone. I wasn't sure I even wanted to tell anyone this yet, I'm still not sure I want to. But maybe if I write it down and get it off my chest I'll feel better. Maybe if I know people are reading this and praying for Wendy I'll feel better. Maybe posting this won't make me feel any different at all. Either way, it couldn't hurt.

As of this morning Wendy was doing great. She came offend ventilator friday. They took her off oxygen yesterday. And when the doctors rounded today they decided they were ready to try giving her a little breastmilk. Unfortunately that's where things went wrong.

Zed and I had come home because he has to go into work every monday. We had been here maybe an hour when the hospital called. They tried to feed Wendy and when they did, the milk got backed up and started leaking around her G tube. Then her respiratory and oxygen rate dropped. Now she's back on oxygen and doing okay. About an hour later, they called again. She has an infection. Not sure if it's from her picc line, surgery, or if she just caught something. She's now on several antibiotics. We should know more about the infection in 72 hours. Also, a surgeon (not her surgeon) looked at her G tube and said it didn't look healed and that's why it was leaking. But he couldn't give a definite answer because he didn't do the procedure. Wendy's surgeon will be by in the morning. Depending on what kind of infection she has they may give her an NG tube (on through her nose) again to feed her until her G tube is healed/fixed.

I just feel like its one setback after another. Can this poor baby not get a break? It sucks enough that I have been going constantly since I gave birth (and have been sick twice) but to see Wendy suffer hurts me so much more! I was hoping to stay home for 2-3 days and let Zed go stay with Wendy, but now knowing she's sick, I can't not be there for my baby. And I feel damn guilty because I want/need a break. I know I need to take care of myself too but hopefully she will start to improve soon and I can take a few days before she comes home to catch up on some rest.

And on top of everything, my milk production is going down again. Maybe it's because I was sick last week and not as hydrated but whatever the cause I'm fighting to get it back up.

On another sad note, it doesn't look like we will be visiting family for Christmas. I don't think we are going to want to take Wendy on a 7 hour trip once she gets out of the hospital... If she's even home by Christmas. Wherever we are (at home or in the hospital) anyone who wants to see us can come to us.

Surgery

Today was Wendy's G Tube surgery. When they got in to do the g tube the surgeon realized Wendy's intestines did not grow in the right place. She has what's called intestinal malrotation. They are going to do a Ladd procedure. This is going to extend her recovery time. I hate to see my baby suffer. I just want her to be well. People don't realize how blessed they are to have a healthy child.