Back To 7 South, But Still No Relief For Us

Wendy is still improving at a decent rate. Her G tube is still leaking a bit, though. She had her picc line out today and they moved her to 7 South- which is in the main Vanderbilt hospital.

Unfortunately Zed and I are wore out. We are drained of happiness and energy. I went through the bad stages of it last week and I feel like it's caught up with Zed this week. I feel bad because if I could take all his sadness and worry from him, I would. I just want to see him smile again. And not just any smile, I want to see that smile that makes his blue eyes sparkle.

I'm hoping we'll both be a lot happier once we get Wendy home, which is supposed to be before Christmas. But I honestly feel like we're walking in circles here.

They're try to get her on a discharge feeding schedule, which means they'll reduce the time on her feeding pump. Well we already know if they take it below 2 hours she's going to have emesis. I just wish they'd leave well enough alone and let us take her home already. I mean really, who cares about condensed feeding?

Christmas Party

Zed and I both had appointments at Fort Campbell this morning so we went home last night. We ended up staying there and going to the company Christmas party tonight. It was nice seeing everyone and sad, too. It was sad because we were seeing everyone else's new baby and it made me miss mine. So we left at 7 and headed back to Nashville.

I dropped Zed off at the RMH because he was tired and I drove his big jacked up truck to see Wendy. Well the problem is his truck won't fit in the parking garage, so I had to park a block and a half away at a bank and walk. So yes, at 9:00 at night I walked by myself to the hospital.. The things you'll do for your baby.

Wendy's nurse didn't really have much news because the day nurses hear what the doctors say when they round and the night nurses don't. So all I got from Wendy's nurse tonight was that she had a bit of emesis earlier and so they kept her at 30mL but if she does okay with her next feeding they'll take it up to 34mL. I'm going to try to get to sleep soon so I can be up early enough to talk to Wendy's doctors.

Santa Clause Is Coming To Town! Well, To The NICU At Least.

Wendy is continuing to improve and they are hoping to have her off all IV fluids in 2-3 days. They put her feeds back on a pump and she's not spitting up anymore. I'm not sure if she will be home by my birthday or not, but if she isn't she will be having her picture made with Santa. Zed and I signed the consent form today. He will be visiting on Sunday, December 18. Either way, whether she can come home before then or not, it gives us something to look forward to. If she is home before then, I would love to find a Santa to have her picture made with! Zed said if we couldn't find one that he would dress up as Santa! Wouldn't that be a sight?!?

Progress, Slowly Getting Better

Wendy is doing okay, not great, but okay. They went from 6 to 10 to 13 and now 17mL of breast milk every 3 hours. It's still less than half of what she was taking but we're getting there. Today she had problems spitting up. She spit up twice and had to be bathed and have her clothes and blankets changed. I told the nurse that she would probably do better on a pump, rather than a bolus feed because her tiny tummy doesn't tolerate a bunch of food at once. So she said she would mention that to the doctors. Maybe tomorrow she will be back on a pump like she was before and they can continue to increase her feeds.

She had a bit of a hard time getting rset today. If you're my friend on Facebook you probably saw me complain about Wendy not having a private room. She's in a twin room. The poor baby in the room with her is obviously in pain. She has a sign up that says "be gentle with me, I have two broken clavicles and a broken femur". I heard the nurse say they're giving her Tylenol for the pain. I feel bad for the family because they can't hold her. She was born on December 2 and is almost a 10lb baby, which is huge for a kid in the nicu! And she honestly has more hair then Wendy! A lot of people probably thought I was being rude when I complained earlier but I truly did not mean anything negative toward the baby or her family, because honestly I think she and her family need their privacy as much as I want it with Wendy. I'm really hoping a single room frees up soon so one of us can be moved. Or even better, I wish they could get us home soon!

The Sound Of My Voice

Today I sat and read to Wendy for a while. We are reading Percy Jackson and the Lightening Thief. When she was first born we read the little kid's picture books. But then I realized she doesn't understand what I'm reading so I might as well read something I could sort of enjoy too. I didn't want to read anything trashy to her (like the Sookie Stackhouse Novels, that I love!) so I picked a good teenage book. I still haven't watched the movie. I'm waiting until I finish reading Wendy the book, then I will watch it. After I finish reading her that book, I will read her the second one because they are coming out with a second movie.

As for an update on Wendy's progress; she's doing okay. They gave her 6mL of Pedialite a few times yesterday. They are switching that to breast milk today. However, 6mL is not enough to tell if her G tube is going to leak or not. They're going to keep increasing her feeds and hopefully her G tube won't leak. And eventually when she can come off the TPN and lipids they will take her picc line out and we can go back to 7 South which will be a transition to come home. We will learn how to use all of her equipment and we will take an infant CPR class. Then hopefully within a week after going to 7 South she can come home.

A lot of people tell me to rest while I can because I will be super busy once Wendy comes home. But do you know how hard it is to rest while you're worrying? It's pretty damn difficult. It just bugs me when people act like it's harder to take care of a baby than it is to sit with a baby in the NICU for weeks and weeks. I'm not trying to complain. I'm also not saying I'm a better mother, or that my life is harder. In all honestly, my life is pretty great (other than Wendy being sick). I have a husband that loves me and provides for me, who is also one amazing daddy! I have a very supportive family and friend base. And I have a beautiful daughter that is more perfect than any baby in this entire world (at least in my eyes; I know, I know, I'm biased!!) . I just don't like when people pretend to understand what I'm going through. Unless you've been through this yourself, YOU HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA! That's why I try to never judge someone unless I've been there. A lot of people go through things that I can't imagine, such as losing a close family member, being a single parent, etc. Those are hardships I haven't had to face and so I commend anyone that does, but like I said, unless you have had a preemie with a chromosome anomaly, you have no idea the difficulties I face on a day-to-day basis, so unless it's words of encouragement, you can keep your opinions to yourself :)

One Step Forward, Hopefully Zero Steps Back

Today was a pretty good day. Some of Zed's family (Rod, Kelly, Codie, and Kelson) came for a visit. It's always nice seeing family! We got to go see Wendy, then we went downtown and ate at the Hard Rock; then we went back to the hospital to see the baby. After going to the Ronald McDonald House to rest a while, Zed and I headed over to their hotel and we hung out in the bar/restaurant and watched the Georgia game. Once the game was over we all had dinner.

It was a pretty good day for Wendy as well. Not only did she get to spoiled by visiting family, she also got a little bit of Pedialite through her G tube. Only 6mL at a time (which isnt much considering she was getting 40mL of milk/formula at every feeding) but it's a start. Hopefully it will continue to heal and not leak so my baby can come home! All I can do is hope and pray. I can't speed up the process of getting her home; I can only try to stay positive.

As for me, I made a pretty big decision today. I made it 8 weeks and I have decided to stop pumping. My body isn't responding as well to the pump and I was having to pump every 2-3 hours to keepy my supply up. And that was ridiculously hard considering we are constantly back and forth from our house in Fort Campbell, to the hospital, to th RMH. Plus I used to pump in Wendy's room some, but she's sharing a room with another baby again and I don't feel comfortable pumping there now, and I'm not going to waste my time at the hospital in a lactation room, I'm going to spend that time with my baby. Luckily I have a freezer full of milk at home so between my supply at the house and hospital, I have enough for about 60 days (and that's if she goes back on full feeds immediately). I'm actually proud of myself. Most mothers with babies in the nicu only last about 2 weeks exclusively pumping.

Still Not Being Fed :(

Well, as you can probably guess, they tried again last night and was unsuccessful at getting a NJ tube in Wendy. The doctors are now deciding how badly they want her to have one. If they decide it's worth being exposed to radiation they will put it in using fluoroscopy. So for now, she is still on the tpn and lipids. Either way, whether they get a NJ tube in or not, I really hope these next two weeks goes by fast. I hate seeing her with a tube in her nose and I hate the thought of her being hungry. Either way it sucks for me! Also, they won't be able to take her picc line out until she gets on full feeds. Many prayers would be appreciated, for me and Wendy. Wendy needs them to heal and I need them to keep me sane, because my heart is aching seeing her like this. I keep telling myself, it'll be over soon. I kind of feel like that's a lie though. I've been saying that since I got put in the hospital on Sept 6. And I know that even when Wendy comes home her life (and mine, essentially) will be loaded with doctor appointments. But at least once she comes home she will feel like my baby. I almost feel like I'm just borrowing her now because I have to leave her every night. In 17 days on dec 18 I will be 22 years old. If Wendy could come home around then, it would be the best present I could ever hope for.