The Beginning Is Always The Hardest

I meant to post this a week or so ago, but honestly just forgot. Zed and I had ordered take out from PF Changs and we both got a fortune cookie. I'm not a superstitious one (I've got black birds tattooed on my body, haha!) so I usually don't even pay much attention to what the fortune says, I just like the way the cookie tastes! But this fortune caught my eye. It said "Don't give up; the beginning is always the hardest". On the back, my word in Chinese was "milk". This fortune hit home in so many different ways. For one I'd been having problems with pumping. My milk supply had went from about 500mL a day to 240mL. So I was having to pump constantly, every 2 hours trying to build my supply back up. For another, it's simply hard having a sick baby in the nicu. But rest assured, it will be so worth it once she's home!

Now for a more recent update. My milk supply has went back up to about 350-400mL a day. And I'm happy with that. Wendy only eats 33mL every 3 hours and part of that is formula. So I'm making enough to feed her plus I'm able to freeze a bit too. As for Wendy, she's doing okay. Her bag is still refusing to stay on, so yesterday they just put a wafer around her stoma and they're putting gauze over it and tucking it in her diaper. Her poor skin was getting raw from them having to change it every few hours. She's been spitting up a bit too. It makes me nervous because it comes out of her mouth and nose, then she's gasping for breath. They haven't tried to bottle feed her recently because she gets choked. Zed said they mentioned a consult with surgery next week about a g-tube for feedings. I'm not sure why we're doing the consult though until she can get the suck/swallow test done, which she can't do until she can take 20-30mL from a bottle and right now she's only been taking 8 (at the most, it's usually more like 2-4mL). Depending on how Wendy does with food will determine when it will be safe for her to come home. It'll probably be the beginning of December because they said they wouldn't push the bottle feeding until after her due date. If she's taking half her feedings from a bottle then we will go home with a tube through her nose for feeding, if not she'll have another surgery to place a g-tube. Either way, I know she will eventually be fine. I have faith. And I know Wendy is a tough one. I just pray that she will begin to improve. We are anxious to have her home, but ultimately it's her safety that's our main concern.