Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Pull-My-Hair-Out Kind of Days

Yep, today was one of those days. One where I wanted to stop what I was doing, scream at the top of my lungs, and rip my hair out. Wendy woke up at 3 am and cried until after 6 am, and I never figured out what was wrong. Our new puppy, Ares, pooped in his crate 3 times last night and Zed got fed up and said he wanted to get rid of him, which resulted in Zed and I fussing. And on top of all that, I feel like crap. I guess it's the so-called fibromyalgia that is killing my back, but I get tired of going to the doctor because I don't have time for them to keep sticking me with a needle, guessing what's wrong with me. I decided to just treat the symptoms, like the insomnia, joint pain, etc and not worry about testing anymore because they've said I have everything from lupus to lyme disease. So I'll stick with my fibromyalgia diagnosis and hope that the doctor can do something about the pain.

After this terrible night and awful day, everything got better. Wendy smiled at me. And I mean really smiled. I was making faces at her and she busted out the biggest, toothless grin ever! I loved it. And then she did it again when I got my mom on Skype! That sweet baby never ceases to amaze me!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Happy Birthday to Zed!

Yesterday Zed went to a wedding in Mississippi where he was a groomsman. Wendy and I had planned on going, but it's a several hour drive away and I didn't want to have to deal with a fussy baby at a wedding, so we decided to stay home. And since we were staying home, we figured we'd surprise Zed for his birthday (even though his birthday isn't until tomorrow, Feb 20)! I had Wendy in a cute shirt that I made, which said "Happy Birthday Daddy!" and I made a killer birthday cake! I even had a Happy Birthday sign on the door, streamers hanging from the lights, and 2 banners on and above the kitchen table. Oh, and there were 6 Happy Birthday balloons floating around. To top it all off, I had Zed's birthday present sitting beside the cake, ready to be opened.

He was totally surprised. He didn't get in until 11:00pm and I was sleeping on the couch, Wendy was in her swing. I got up and lit the candles on the cake and sang happy birthday and then made him open his gift. His gift was a baby's handprint mold of sweet little Wendy's hand. That handprint was so hard to get. The mold is definitely not perfect, but Zed still loved it. He made me put it on display last night, so now the crappy handprint I took is on a shelf with pictures of Zed's mother, my mother, my grandparents, and a wedding photo. I think it's pretty sweet though.

All in all, I think it was a great night! We actually surprised Zed and he seemed to enjoy it. He even asked if we could keep up the decorations until after his birthday! :)

Saturday, February 18, 2012

No Ordinary Baby!

Wendy is one extraordinary child and as her mother, I would like to take a moment and brag a bit. I am so proud of all she has accomplished. At only 9 weeks she was holding her head up, which is amazing for a preemie. At 4 months old, she is working on learning to sit up! And I am extremely proud of the fact that she does not need physical therapy. I'm also excited at how well she is doing with occupational therapy. Wendy's astounding progress is partly due to how much Zed and I work with her and the rest, I give credit to God. He has blessed me with a miracle baby!

Some of my parenting ideas you may not agree with. Like the fact that Wendy is spoiled beyond belief and Zed and I do not let her cry- we immediately pick her up. I also don't believe in self soothing. My baby girl will be rocked to sleep every night until she is big enough to tell me "mommy, I'm not a baby, I don't want to be rocked to sleep". I don't mind when people have different opinions on how to raise a child. Some people think I'm terrible because I don't believe beauty pageants are a bad thing and some people think I'm horrible because I do not believe in co-sleeping. But on subjects of raising my baby, and the methods I choose, we will have to agree to disagree.

Even though I don't always "go by the book" in my choices of parenting Wendy, no one could ever call me a bad mother. I adore that child and cherish her. I am more dedicated to her and love her more than I could have ever dreamed. I think she's going to do great things and touch a lot of lives. She's already touched mine.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Button Change At Home!

Wendy has a g tube button that she is fed through. At the end of the button there is a balloon that you put water in. Wendy's balloon busted today and her button came out. Zed held her down while I replaced it for the first time at home! Honestly, my nerves are shot, but I had to finally do it at home because she has been through 5 button changes since December and we cannot drive to Nashville every time something happens. The only reason it's scary changing her button is because there is a hole that goes straight into her stomach. Her stomach is stitched up to the wall of her abdomen and the hole goes straight from the outside to the inside of her stomach. If you press the button in the wrong way, it can detach her stomach from her abdomen and then her formula would be pumping outside of her stomach. We checked it but attaching a clean extension and waiting to see if stomach contents came out. As nervous as it made me to change it, I feel extremely proud of Zed and myself! This is was huge thing to accomplish on our own and now I feel confident that we could change it again, and seeing as how Wendy is sure to have the button for quite some time, I'm sure this knowledge will come in handy. Especially when we have a toddler running around pulling at her feeding tube!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Just One Of Those Days...

Today was one of those days where just wanted to break down and cry. Wendy's bag came off four, yes FOUR, times today. She's been terribly gassy. And I found a lump underneath her arm this morning.

I called her pediatrician and they said they could see her today. However, we didn't get to see her normal doctor, we had to see another pediatrician that works in the same practice. He said, for now, the lump doesn't feel like anything to worry about. It's probably a gland swollen and irritated from her apnea monitor probes rubbing against it. More good news was they checked her ears and throat and she still doesn't seem to have caught the viral infection I had.

The downside, she has only gained 4 ounces in the past month. A baby should gain about 16 grams a day. There are approximately 28 grams in an ounce. So in 4 weeks (28 days) a baby should gain roughly 16 oz, which is 2 lbs, which is 4 times what Wendy has gained. I'm calling her nutritionist tomorrow so we can set up a new feeding plan to try to get this baby growing!

Hopefully tomorrow won't be so tough. I'm hoping to get more good news from her occupational and physical therapists. They both come to work with her tomorrow.

Friday, February 10, 2012


It's unbelievable that Wendy is already four months old. Two days ago, on February 8th, Wendy turned four months old. She has grown so much! She is already over 7 lbs 8 oz. From her birth weight being 3 lbs 15 oz, I think she's growing fabulously.

She was supposed to have her four month shots yesterday, but I've been sick (stupid viral infection) and didn't think I could handle me being sick and Wendy not feeling well. So we rescheduled. She'll now go on February 23rd and on the 29th she has an appointment with surgery.

It's all coming at us so fast, it seems. Zed will be done with the Army very soon so I am going to talk to Wendy's surgeon in Nashville and see if she can recommend someone in Georgia. I mean, we could get Wendy's next surgery done here in March, but what happens if she gets an infection and is in the hospital longer than anticipated? What if she's in there past our move date? I think it would be a lot easier and a lot less stressful on us if we could just do it in Georgia. It would be nice to have my family around for support too. For Wendy's last two surgeries Zed and I had to lean on each other. I think it's time to give our shoulders a rest and share the weight with others. And I know of several people who would love take it.

It's really tough, and sometimes it seems like she's a burden, but sweet Wendy brings absolute joy into my life. Every stress and worry I've had over her, they were worth it, because she's worth it. I'm fairly certain Zed and I have the most beautiful, the most precious, and the sweetest baby girl ever. And honestly, if you are around her for more than two minutes, I guarantee you will fall in love with that little miracle too. If you don't, you're either crazy or coldhearted, or possibly both! :)

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Taking It All In

Wow. I have neglected my blog for over a week now. I figured it was time for an update. Not too much has happened recently. First Steps came out to meet with us today and Wendy's occupational and physical therapists will begin working with her next week.

I feel like as a mom, I've learned a lot. Sometimes its trivial things, like how I prefer Huggies diapers over Pampers, but Pampers are my favorite brand of wipes. Sometimes, you learn more important things, like you can never let it get you down when one doctor or therapist tells you something negative, especially when you know different.

For Wendy's 5 step evaluation we had to take her to Bowling Green. When we arrived there, I could already tell that the doctor's office did not measure up to my standards. However, the evaluation had to be done in order for Wendy to receive care from First Steps. Even though she was 3 months and 11 days old on the day of the assessment, they judged her like a 1 month and 24 day old, because she is a preemie and that is her adjusted age. They said she would not tolerate being placed on her back or any other position, unless she was sitting upright, which Wendy does enjoy being held upright because she is learning control of her head, but she will tolerate being held different ways, just not by a complete stranger while she's naked. They said she was very stiff, that she preferred her right side (and that does, because her colostomy and g tube are both on her left side, so she doesn't spend a significant amount of time on that side), that she doesn't turn her head, and that she keeps her hands clinched. They said she was disorganized and irritable and her visual exploration is decreased. They said she wouldn't focus on a black and white picture. They said she doesn't tolerate bathing, dressing, or diapering.

I pretty much got a 5 page report on how my child is behind in 5 different areas. Needless to say, I was upset. I know Wendy may not be on the same level as some other 3 month olds, but I feel like the progress that she has made is astounding. And apparently, the therapists from Kentucky First Steps agreed with me. They saw her in her home environment, where she is comfortable. They did not take her clothes off and then try to move her in different positions and they allowed me and Zed to hold her while they watched. Wendy was turning her head and watching everyone. She was sitting up, supporting her own neck, however, when she got tired, she rested while laying on her back in my arms. She sucked on her hands, she put pressure on her feet and tried to stand up, and she wasn't crying and distressed.

It was really tough seeing Wendy go through a difficult evaluation when I knew she was not comfortable. it was even harder getting a report listing problems with every area that they assessed, but today, it was really nice to have some reassurance. Someone that sees Wendy the way I do. The occupational therapist will be working with her sucking reflexes, so she will definitely be needed, but they said we may not even need physical therapy the whole 3 months that we will be here. She will come and keep an eye on Wendy to make sure she's progressing normally and work on tummy time, but she acted like Wendy having a pt wasn't something completely necessary. I'm just glad to finally get some good news after almost 2 weeks of worrying.